Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tomthesaint's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
10:34 am	I'm back at the Roberson, which reopened today. Put up the wikipedia page again, rewritten, though I haven't gotten to redoing the exhibition descriptions yet. Still, hopefully it will stay up for once and I'll get to the exhibitions as I have time. I also need to finish doing the photo study sheets and input them. I'll probably do 40 today and 40 tomorrow, at which point I will be done. It isn't the best work, but I want to make a good impression. I'm hoping to stand out during research this summer so that I can get a letter of recommendation from "David Sloan Wilson" (Read: his Grad assistant Dan O'Brien) when I apply to grad school. I'm also hoping to do well at my internship here at the Roberson. I haven't done too much but I've definitely helped Lara do her job, and the wiki page is my own work. If I do well enough they'll put me on payroll in the fall, which would definitely be a big help to me. Poor Tom is not the most happy Tom. I really should begin studying for the GRE. Also, I need to read those PDFs I downloaded of journal articles written by professors I'd want to work with in graduate school. In the next few weeks I should be able to find time for these things. I will have more time to do so after today, as Amber is leaving. Perhaps it hasn't been the most responsible for me to put off work while she is here, but I really enjoy spending time with her and she'll be gone for a year or more starting this afternoon, so I enjoyed it while I could. I did at least finally finish rewriting the High Hopes stuff. I sent that out and got one reply already - the rest should be coming soon. Also need to do: - Fill out Independent study forms for Evos - Fill out Juror form for... the government? - Eat lunch - Call Dell and convince them to replace my laptop screen - Sort out music & movies Well, life is pretty good. I'm definitely happier now than I was a month ago. I'm friends with Lena again, whom I will be seeing tonight, I have some hope that good things will at least sometimes happen to me, and I am not so alone as I was. I do have quite a lot to do, but I'm getting there. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
2:20 pm	Even on a cloudy day I love walking around listening to Frank Sinatra. blue skies... nothing but blue skies... I think it is interesting how I was alive when he died, yet I was completely unaware. Granted, I was 6. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
4:15 pm	My thoughts Got a new laptop My car was towed and I had to pay $300 in fines because I parked across the street from a bus station. No, it doesn't make sense. The IRS wants more money from me I continue to have tragic timing Subway is yummy (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 21st, 2009
1:49 am	I may have been wrong in saying Cystic fibrosis. its something with a cyst and "fibr-something", and I just sort of put the words together because it sounded familiar. I don't remember the name again, but its cysts in her ovaries or uterus, hopefully. They're doing a sonagram in a few days to be sure it isn't malignant or something worse. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 20th, 2009
11:58 am	So my Dad may be in jail by the time I go back to school, my Mom may have cystic fibrosis and need surgery, my sister is learning how to drive and I'm up in Binghamton while everything is happening. I'm 250 miles away from being any use to my family and will be working 2 jobs for no pay, living on my savings and handouts, and gambling that getting dual independent research credit over the summer may boost my graduate school application enough to get in somewhere good and maybe even get funding. I certainly can't say life is dull. The idea of getting into Berkley and moving out to California, leaving so much behind... is getting more appealing as time goes on. I need a breath of fresh air. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:48 am	I had an awesome entry for tonight. Then I became sleepy. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
11:40 am	My wiki page for the museum I'm interning at is almost done. If you're curious, I have it on here for now: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ConfluenceOfRivers/RobersonMuseum. I'll probably put up the real one tomorrow. I do love how this is basically the only productive thing I've done so far at this internship. Notes to self: Call Heritage Landing (I lost their number so I hadn't gotten the chance to yet.) Hopefully I can weasel some backstage passes or something. Call Dan OB before I head to work since he might cancel it. Today could be a lazy day! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 12th, 2009
2:51 pm	I'm definitely a lot happier now than I have been in many weeks. I've reached the point where I feel enthusiastic about everything I do again, even buying groceries. Everything is an experience, an opportunity. I have been listening to more music, singing along even when I'm just walking down the street. I have been taking control of things and making myself busy - 2 jobs, studying, watching movies, reading, seeing people. Good plans are coming up. Going to see Katie tomorrow, Amy tonight and Sunday, home next weekend, Dan the weekend after. I've been planning volunteer stuff, getting in touch with people for advertising and such. I'm also nearly done rewriting the High Hopes course. I went through the Bob Seger album I have. Its funny to think back and remember that his song "Old Time Rock and Roll" was probably my first favorite song. I remember asking to listen to it when I was like 5, and whenever it came on the radio I'd try to sing along (here's a funny mental image: a 5 year old tiny, blonde Tom trying to sound like Bob Seger). Been listening to him again and its a nice feeling. I made a nice playlist of Seger, Dylan and Springsteen. Good stuff. I'm back to my happy self, I truly am, and that thought itself makes me happier. Perhaps obnoxiously so =P It is good though - I am more personable, I feel smarter, and I have more energy. That has all come in handy, since I've been canvassing and working with High School Students and both require all of the above. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
10:36 am	If you love me you'll fill it out... 1. Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song or Album: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: 9. Do we know each other outside of LJ? 10. What's your philosophy on life? 11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty? 12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 13. What is your favorite memory of us? 14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure? 15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: 16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they? 17. Can we get together and make a cake? 18. Which country is your spiritual home? 19. What is your big weakness? 20. Do you think I'm a good person? 21. What was your best/favorite subject at school? 22. Describe your accent: 23. If you could change anything about me, would you? 24. What do you wear to sleep? 25. Trousers or skirts? 26. Cigarettes or alcohol? 27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!) 28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you? (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
2:31 am	I don't think I'm trying to be happy anymore. I'm just sort of taking what life throws at me and trying to make the best of it. It sounds good, but it feels uninspired. My life is becoming more and more reactionary - a series of unfortunate events followed by attempts to make the best of them. When will things be unreasonably good for a while? When will I be struggling to not ignore people, instead of wondering if I am being ignored? It isn't about being lonely. It isn't about family. It isn't about work or money or stuff or anything at all. Its about this feeling that I'm just trying to keep going. This feeling that my life right now is a stage of training before things change and maybe then I will be happy. I am not happy now. Nor am I miserable, but I am not happy and have no reason to think I will be. The most I can muster is 'content' or 'accepting'. That is not happiness, that is not joy. Where has the joy in my life gone? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009
3:17 pm	Updates: Being home isn't too bad. I am happy to see my family again. I am back to smiling by default instead of making myself, which is a very good sign. My little brother is growing up and I want to make sure he knows I will be there for him if he needs someone. My Dad is awkward around me now, likely because of his kicking me out and not being sure where I now stand. I think it is better this way - he can be on the defensive for once and I don't have any spite toward him so there shouldn't be as much conflict. Dan and I are going on a road trip at the end of June! We're going to Michigan to see Barenaked Ladies in Concert :D (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 28th, 2009
1:37 pm	I'm going home tonight, woo~ Coming back Sunday night, then Monday I have research with the Evos program. My internship with the Roberson is picking up, and I'm starting prep work for student groups. More to come (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 24th, 2009
9:44 pm	And thats how I beat Shaq quick update: Last week was lonely, but I got through and had a chance to unwind. This weekend was fun~! I hung out with Amy every day, which was funny because we've known each other vaguely for two years and have never hung out before. Ironically, except for Saturday it was always supposed to be in a group setting (She is nice enough to introduce me to people so I can make more friends <3) but everyone ditched. Corning is a pretty nice place Long Island is totally better than Upstate, but both are truly wonderful places. I do like living on my own; I would like to have a friend a little closer though. My closest friend lives a tad far away and our schedules don't line up. Still, things are looking pretty good. I am excited to start my internship at the Roberson. If I do a good job, it will turn into a job in the fall. That'd be excellent to have my senior year, especially in lieu of research. I need to do a lot of prep this summer though - GRE prep, looking at grad schools, planning club stuff, rewrite the HH coursework... Even if I don't get a job, its going to be a busy summer =P (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 21st, 2009
5:03 pm	So, I'm in the downtown center using the wireless Binghamton is so kind to provide me over the summer. I'm hoping to leave soon so I'll be quick. Things are on the upswing, which is all I can ask for. I have a good internship I'll be starting next week, I'm on the hunt for a job, and I have my own place. I'll be seeing some friends tomorrow, and Saturday I'm going to Corning with a friend for memorial day weekend or.. something. I don't really keep track - I'm just happy to be seeing people =) I spent yesterday just being lazy in the apartment. It was kind of relieving to just waste a day. I read Ender's Shadow (In one sitting, lol) and played Oblivion on a whim. I've also been watching a lot of Arrested Development, which is a great show. I have a couple things to do: - clean/dust apartment. I think all the dust in there is making my cough worse. - Exercise more: I haven't been terrible, but I want to get into good shape this summer. Walking to and from the downtown center to use the internet certainly helps. - Brainstorm ideas for my internship: this is really what I make of it, and I want to make the most - Stay in contact with people: its easy to lose touch or isolate yourself, but I want my friends to know that even though I'm in Binghamton I'll still do my best to be there for them. - Find out what happened to my package: Apparently the USPS thought it was undeliverable as addressed =( I want my headphones... then I can send the ones I'm using back for repair (the wiring is messed up so I have to tape them in a certain position. ...God, I'm an audiophile >_<; It is a nice day out, and I have a nice walk back to look forward to. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 11th, 2009
3:27 pm	I just had a weird sensation: Someone I know distantly has recently achieved several of the things I am trying for. Now, I've never been a jealous person, but there still lies the potential for, when everything is going horribly for me, feelings of jealousy when others get what I am trying so hard to achieve. But that isn't what happened. The moment I heard what this person had received my mind just filled up with thoughts of "I'm happy for her-good for her-this is something I should take joy in". This is pretty much exactly what is supposed to happen according to Stoicism and Buddhism, but it was freaking weird to experience: it was as though my own thoughts were overridden by a mantra of compassionate joy. Aside from the fact that it was a new experience, though, there isn't much to say on it. I am glad that life is treating this person well, and I'm not jealous. That is a good thing, and when I'm not being crushed by papers I'm sure I will take time to appreciate this progress =P (Comment on this)
12:55 am	Things are looking up for me. I took a look at the place I'll be living at this summer. It is a bit run down, but I honestly feel like that adds character. I really do like the look of it and the fact that it has random junk from who knows when stored in odd places and a labyrinth of hallways and stairs. I think I will be fairly comfortable there, and I will still have friends to visit over the summer, local and back home. I am really hoping I get something good at the Roberson museum. My interview is Friday at 2pm. I am unsure if they have a paid position or an internship available, and when it will start. Really, I'm not sure of anything, but whatever they have is something I want. Ideally I'll get paid, and be able to support myself through that. The place I'm staying is close enough to the museum that I can walk there. Plus, it is by the soviet Giant :D I should also have a good deal of free time and the ability to concentrate this summer. Since I won't be living at home, I won't have as much stress. I'll thus be able to do a lot more with the time I have. Kancheng agreed to help me learn some basic Chinese, and I think I'll brush up on my Spanish as well. I can also read a lot of the books I haven't gotten around to, and maybe write. I can do some more photography, and maybe even get into digital art. Speaking of digital art, I recently downloaded Terragen (and terragen 2) and I love it! It is simple to use, the quality of the photos is pretty good, and the free version has a lot of utility. Terragen 2 has some amazing capabilities, but for the life of me I can't figure them out! I suck at it and if I up the quality it eats my computer alive =( So, I'll be sticking with T-gen 1, thank you =P The downside to finding Terragen is that it has distracted me a bit from doing my work. I am not actually behind, really, but I am nearing the edge. I want to write one more paper tonight, but it only needs to be 3 pages. The problem is that I'm having trouble finding the answers in the reading, so I may just read tonight and write 2 papers tomorrow. Ah well. I will definitely get through this. After those two papers, due tuesday, I have one due Thursday. I want to do a good job on it, but I think 2 days will be sort of enough. I have it partially outlined already, at least. It is a lot of work for one week, and I will be doing packing and other things as well, but I will get through. Once I do, I am home-free =) There is one thing which doesn't seem to be getting better, but I am going to do what I can. I'm not sure how to fix it but I'm thinking. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 9th, 2009
1:26 am	I know my last few entries haven't been very happy, but I am getting through this difficult time. The most potentially life-shattering thing to happen, which I am loathe to call a "problem", came and went quickly, and with that passed I feel like the rest is far more manageable. So far I have a place to stay, and a job interview. If these fall into place my summer is solved. If not, I still have some time to figure it out. As far as my stuff, I have a place for it, though it will be hectic getting it there. Finals - 4 papers left. It won't be pleasant, but I can get through them. Today I relaxed. I chilled out. This morning was very stressful, and I needed a day to cool down. I saw the improv group at Binghamton - the Pappy Parker Players; I laughed harder than I have for a while. Last night was rough, very rough. I was lost and stressed and scared - to the point that my mind was shutting down and I was shaking. It has been a long while since I've been brought to that point, but I got through it, and now the path leads uphill again. I will get through, and I will be all the stronger for it. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 7th, 2009
11:23 pm	I got my sadness out just in time. Someone needs my comfort more than I do. (Comment on this)
9:51 pm	( A piece of me is gone. Yes it is emo. I think I deserve it this once ) (Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
12:55 am	It doesn't matter what I say, as long as I sing with inflection... ( The hook brings you back... ) Current Music: Hook - Blues Traveler (1 Comment |Comment on this)